Make Your Own Christmas Cards With Material Scraps!

This is something I've been working on over the last two weeks. I found some gorgeous christmas material in a fabric shop and thought they'd be perfect for christmas cards!! I know they aren't the most professional looking cards, but I enjoyed making them and as a beginner, I feel very proud of my little cards!

I used a fabric that had lots of christmas images that where very easy to cut out into squares. I also used ribbons, stick on jewels, beads, gold and silver tissue paper, card, and spray glue.

Firstly I cut out the squares of fabric I liked. I cut out a square of either silver and gold tissue paper and stuck them to the card using spray glue. I prefer spray glue because it hold really well and it doesn't crinkle like PVA can. I then played around with the fabric until I found an arrangement I was happy with. I then spray glued the fabric to the card and left to dry.

I used a variety of things to embellish the cards - some were more time consuming than others, but all look very christmas and shiny! The quicker cards I used ribbon to outline the material (like the reindeer and snowman card at the top of the post). I also used sticky gems to add a little extra something.

My favourite cards took a little longer, so I didn't do as many as I liked. I sewed beads onto the material (as you can see on the left) by making a stitch and threading a bead or two down the thread and continuing with the stick. I tried to match the beads with the colours, so lots of golds, greens and red, to keep it traditional!

I finished my cards with a little 'Merry Christmas' label which i glued on.

Overall I'm glad how they turned out. I was struggling to come up with ideas, but when I came across the material I was inspired! The smaller cards took about two hours each, but the cards with beads took about an extra hour, but I think it was worth it! Next year I think I'll start a little sooner, so I can sew lots more beads!

Like I said, not too professional, but hopefully my friends and family appreciate the effort!

Why Do I Keep Making The Same Mistakes?

Some days it seems like I could never change. I fall down the same trap over and over. I know what I should do to stay well, but I can't seem to stop doing all the things that are bad for me. I can even stop myself and acknowledge that I shouldn't be doing what I am, but I still follow through most times.

I have days where I'm motivated and feel good, but there are a lot of days that it just seems like I need to end the day badly. For some reason, if I have a good day, I can suddenly panic and try to sabatage my progress. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve to have good days, or that i'm used to feeling rubbish that I'm not used to feeling good yet, or maybe I am worried that having good days means that I might lose support.

I don't think it's uncommon. I think that the majority of us do things that we know we shouldn't but still do. I wonder why we can learn from somethings, but then others we never seem to learn from. There must be something that we get from doing it.

For example. I know that if I drink alcohol, I will feel more depressed, and most likely end up feeling angry, and wanting to hurt myself. However, knowing that, I still find myself turning to drink if I'm feeling empty and low. So I must be getting some benefit from alcohol - temporary escape, brief numbing of emotions, a way to cope - but what is hard to accept is that the cost far outweighs the benefit.

So how do I stop myself from making the same mistakes over and over? Here's some ideas:

• Finding a distraction when I am feeling the urge to drink - something that is absorbing, hands on, and involves a lot of attention, e.g. a puzzle, blogging, making cards or bracelets etc
• Trying to acknowledge the triggers - understanding what emotions cause the need to drink and what situations / times of day are likely to bringe on those emotions can help to prepare distractions and alternatives.
• Telling someone / seeing a friend - there's nothing more distracting than a good friend. Maybe talking about what's on my chest might make the urge to drink disappear.
• Write a list of the Pros & Cons of drinking - It's good to put things in perspective and remind myself of how rubbish I will feel afterwards.
• Remind myself of my overall goals - keep motivated!!!
• Don't buy alcohol - a bit extreme, but it might be sensible at times when things are bad.

So I guess there is a lot I need to work on. It's so easy to sit and write this, but its putting things into action that is the real test. I know I can do this. I've made a lot of progress so far, but I get so frustrated with myself when I deliberately do things that aren't helpful, especially when I want to recover so much!

Surviving Christmas When You Have An Eating Disorder

I don't want to focus this blog entirely on eating disorders, but obviously its an area I know pretty well, so It's a topic close to my heart.

Christmas is upon us, and it hit me big time on thursday when I started to think about how I was going to cope with it. All that went through my head was PANIC!! So much food, so much pressure, so many people, so much expectation. How will I survive?




I've received some good advice and help sheets over the last few weeks, so I thought I'd post some advice on ways to make Christmas more managable.

• Write down your worries and anxieties and challenge them. Identify what is your main concern and try and make plans to tackle it. It also helps to rationalise your thoughts to help reduce anxiety.
• Pre-Plan. If you are going out, make sure you see the menu first to avoid any surprises and choose what you will have before hand. If you will be eating around relatives or friends, perhaps discuss with them what food will be prepared so you know what you'll be facing.
• Influence the meal. I don't mean to say that everyone must eat the same as you, but it might be worth asking whoever is cooking if they could add something you're comfortable with, or if they could cook something in a different way, maybe offer to help cook so you can feel more relaxed about how things have been handled. But just a warning, be careful not to let the eating disorder take over.
• Talk to someone you trust - have them with you. It's good to have support from someone who understands how you are feeling. Share your worries, fears and anxieties, and maybe ask them to distract you if you look uncomfortable or finding things a struggle.
• Remind yourself for the reasons of Christmas. It's a time of celebration, family, and being grateful for the year. It's also a time of food. It's normal to enjoy food and treat yourself during the christmas season.
• Think back to Christmas before the Eating Disorder. I'm sure you used to love christmas. If you did it then, you will be able to do it again!
• Remember that set backs and slips are normal. If you find you can't manage, or you have a lapse, this is not a failure, you are not faltering - its and opportunity to learn and move on!
• If you're tempted to binge or the feeling of fullness is too much take time out! Listen to music, take a short walk, have a bath, phone a friend.
• Do not expect everything to be perfect. Be realistic and be proud of what you can manage and any positive steps you have taken. No one is perfect, so don't be hard on yourself if things don't work out quite as you planned.
• Occassional overeating will not make you fat! Having Christmas dinner, or a few chocolates, will not have any effect long term on your weight. It's ok to overeat sometimes, especially at Christmas.
• Do what you can manage. Don't push yourself to do something you don't feel you can cope with. This works the other way round too. If you feel like you can manage something but are worried about people's reactions, maybe start by challenging yourself when there are less people around or when you're with people you trust.
• Don't isolate yourself. Being alone when everyone else is enjoying themselves is not going to make you feel good sbout yourself. You might feel like if you join in you'll be ruining Christmas for everyone, but I'm sure if your family and friends care for you, they will love to spend time with you, whether you're ill or well. Try it.

I'm sure there's loads of good advice out there. It's a tough time, but its also a good time to challenge yourself and to practice managing your anxieties. The most important thing is to talk about it. You'll be surprised how more relaxed you'll feel once you've got it off your chest.

Decorated Personalised Photoframe - A perfect Gift!

At last I've been able to get my camera to work, so I can finally start sharing the little projects that I get up to!

This was an idea I had for a leaving present. It's very cheap and very easy!

The two people I was giving it to had crushes on Rob from The Great British Bake Off, and Gregg from Masterchef (yeah I don't really get that either, but she has an odd taste in men!!).

You will need:

• A cheap frame, or any size - try and discount stores etc - or perhaps modify an old frame you already have.
• Ribbon, stickers, sequins, whatever you like!
• A photo or picture.

I brought my frame from Hawkins Bazaar. It cost me £1.50. I used adhesive ribbons (you can buy it from most craft shops) but you can use anything you like. I prefer the adhesive ribbon in this case because its easy and less messy :)

I cut the ribbon into measured strips and used it to decorate the sides and front. It's good if you can find something that will match the photo, or will relate to the person you want to give it to.

Once you're pleased with the decoration. Insert you're picture and you are done! It took me about 20 minutes to do - obviously it'll take longer if you want to be more adventurous with the decoration.

You could even make them for yourself, if you have any photos you want to display, or maybe you have some pretty material or wallpaper and you want to display it? What's great about this, is that it is so flexible, and the options are endless!!

Getting Stuck - Failure or a Chance to Reinvent Yourself?

Some of my darkest moments, when I felt at my lowest and the future seemed bleakest, was when I became frustrated and angry at myself for not being able to deal with the things i felt i should be able to cope with. I was trying to do too much at once, and when I realised that it wasn't possible, I became self critical and punishing. If I wasn't able to do it to the standard I felt was acceptable, then I might as well not bother at all. I might as well continue to ruin everything because it was clear that I wasn't capable. I was a failure and I gave up.

Things began to feel even more bleak because after giving up, it left an awful lot of time with nothing to fill it. Having empty space and no plans looming in front of me was the terrifying. I felt unsafe, lost, and at some points suicidal. I hated how everyday was difficult and I couldn't bear the thought of an entire life time stuck in that state. I was depressed and it seemed like nothing could pull me out of it.

I'm hard on myself because I feel like a disappointment. Having spent most my life being strong and hiding my problems from people, it felt wrong to be so openly 'damaged'. Having people worry for me made me feel even more angry at myself. I blame myself frequently for the effects my illness has on the people around me. I feel like I should not have gotten myself in this place. I wanted to remove myself from the world and escape from the situation I was in. All I could focus on was how unbearable each day was and how I couldn't cope with the future and would not be able to achieve anything worthwhile. I had ruined things for good.

One day, I'm not entirely sure where this came from, but I decided that things needed to change. I started trying to give myself a task each day. Something to keep me occupied. I started making bracelets, cards, scrapbooks, and throwing myself into lots of projects. Eventually I could feel things improving and I was able to start thinking a little further ahead. I felt uncomfortable being uncertain with the future and I needed to make decisions.

I needed a purpose - but more importantly, the purpose needed to be close to my heart. I was lacking passion. So far I felt like I was just enduring life, not really caring about it. Nothing from my past felt real. Everything felt mundane and boring. Although I am beginning to accept that a large reason for that was that I was depressed - I think I was coming to a cross roads in my life where I realised that the person I was wasn't happy, and I had a chance to reinvent myself.

I decided that I want to study psychology and work in mental health. I want my experiences to define me in a positive way - I want to use my insight to help others. Since making that decision I've feltlike a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. I have a reason to try hard to recover. When things feel too difficult and I feel unable to cope, I might still feel down and angry at myself, but I'm more able to endure the overwhelming emotions knowing that they can't last forever and that I need to be strong to do the things that I really want.

Not everyday is good, but I'm learning to take one day at a time and to try not to over analyse things. It's challenging, and i'm far from perfect, but I feel liberated to keep trying. I'd spent a long time blaming myself for the circumstances I'd found myself in. When you analyse your situation obsessively, its easy to paralyse yourself. It's a cycle of self blame, depression, and self sabotage. You feel miserable but you feel like you deserve to be there because its your fault, and you only seem to fail at everything anyway so you might as well keep going down into the deep dark pit.

If you're stuck and feel like you can't change, I know that having someone simply tell you that 'change is possible' is useless. It's too difficult to believe, and even if you could change, what is there really worth changing for? It might be time to start thinking about whether you really have what you want in life. Do you do things because its what people expect you to do? Perhaps you're afraid that if you want to reinvent yourself, people wont be able to accept the 'new you', the 'real you'.

Change is scary and its hard. But change is also natural, and its something that we all need to accept. The choices I made at school and university suited me then, but now that I've been through this difficult experience, I'm a different person. I don't know who that person is yet, which makes me uneasy, but I'm excited to meet her. I think she will be happier than the old me!

I'm Not Sick Enough

One of the barriers that stops someone from accepting the help they need is that they often feel undeserving. I always felt that I wasn't sick enough to really need support. I thought that if I told someone they would laugh at me and tell me to stop being silly. If I had been able to overcome this fear then I could have got help a lot sooner and perhaps I wouldn't have crossed the line where I was told I couldn't keep going. It's almost a relief to be given permission to put your hands up and say 'Ok, I can't cope anymore'.

Sometimes it feels like you have to be rock bottom before you can admit that life is too hard. If you appear fine on the outside, then why would people believe you're struggling? You feel weak for not being able to handle problems like everyone else. It's most likely that the majority of people around you aren't as 'held together' as they seem, but when you're feeling low and finding it difficult to manage it's very hard to think in a way that is clear and rational.

You should be able to handle this. You should be able to cope. You're not sick enough to really need help. You'll be making a fuss. They'll accuse you of lying or overexaggerating. Things aren't bad enough for me to ask for help.

It's these feelings of unworthiness and guilt that trap you. They are powerful emotions that can be very dangerous. Even if you decide to get treatment, the feelings still stay with you. No matter how unwell you are, there will always be someone sicker, always someone who could use the help more than you. I find it very difficult to accept that I deserve to take time out to care for myself. I often worry that I'm wasting professionals time, that they don't really need to be spending time trying to help me. I feel immense guilt that I should be working, should be coping.

My therapist told be something the other day which really made me think:

"Yes, there are people more sick than you, but that doesn't mean you are less important than them. You deserve as much help as anyone."

I was struck by his honesty. The truth is, everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves help. It might feel like you're being stupid but if you are not happy and feel that you need support, then you should feel no shame in asking for it. There is no scale of sickness where you must fall below a particular threshold to deserve help. If you had a friend and they were struggling a little, would you judge them or think they were weak if they asked for support? Or would you do everything you could to help them? If your friends and family deserve to be happy, then so do you!

Allow yourself to have some time out. Be nice to yourself. No one is expected to be perfect, its ok to struggle, and its human to need help.

Looking Beyond the Illness

When you suffer from a mental illness, it's far too easy to become that label. At times it can be appealing to hide behind the label, to keep people away and prevent the real you to be seen. It can feel uncomfortable and often the feelings of vulnerability are too much to handle.

When people try and connect with me, try to uncover what truly stirs beneath my eating disorder and depression, I feel quite confused and unsure about what I want. I'm desperate to be seen for who I am, to be able to express myself, to be listened to and accepted for what I have to say. But there is a fear that once I open that door, the world will be invited in and I will lose all privacy. And what will they think of me? I'm plagued by fears that I wont be accepted, that people will laugh at me, that I will not be good enough.

Low self esteem makes it hard to throw away the label. When you hate yourself and constantly criticise yourself - you don't want people to get close to you. If you only cause hurt and create friction, then it can feel better to push everyone away. Become friends with the illness. For me I fear what I would be without the illness. If I'm well, what type of person will I be? If I'm well, all the support that I need will be gone and I'll have to do it all myself again. When people see you starting to get better, they assume you're fine, and it makes alarm bells ring in your head because you're far from fine. Suddenly, being ill is very appealing.

It's a very difficult cycle to break from. Everyone on the outside is almost too happy to see the illness and to accept that as the person. Why? Because its not easy to understand mental illness. How much easier is it to say, he's an alcoholic, she's a depressive, that man's got dementia, that girl is anorexic. When you say that, everyone knows what the problem is and they don't have to delve any deeper than what is staring them in the face.

We all know what an alcoholic is - they drink too much, they're selfish, they're weak. The depressive is unable to cope, a bit of a downer, needs to just get up and get on with things like everyone else. Dementia is just something that happens when you're old, not really there in the head. The anorexic is shallow, wants to be skinny, attention seeking, stupid. And when you let the stereotypes breed, the further from the real people you get. Sometimes it's easier to let the stigma speak for them. If you don't understand something, then its very easy to fear it, and its comforting to have a label because then it becomes comprehensible.

Let's start to understand. Let's help people escape the label. He's not just an alcoholic - he's a friend, a son, a father, a person. Same goes for all mental illness. I'm a real person. I don't want to be judged because I struggle with an eating disorder. If you don't get to know me, then you wont see that I'm not a stereotype. My illness is real, and its hard, and it's damaging. I didn't choose it. No one chooses to have a mental illness. But we can choose to fight it.

To find out more about mental illness check out this website: Mind.org.uk