My Mind is Racing

The last week or so I've really struggle with sleep. It seems that whenever my brain stops concentrating on something absorbing, it starts to plan and analyse and second guess and worry - it just can't switch itself off! It makes it very difficult to concentrate and even harder to just enjoy the moment. It feels like I need to be planning ahead all the time, to have control and confidence in the future rather than having to acccept that it's ok to be uncertain.

If I'm not planning and working things out then reality starts to creep in. This is when things get difficult to cope with. Because not only to I begin to realise that the things I'm planning are unachievable, in the far future, and unlikely to play out exactly as I imagined - but that overwhelming sad and empty feeling returns and I realise that I'm not enjoying the present and that the future is very much likely to follow the same trend.

I then start to wonder why I'm not able to enjoy reality. Why must I search for safety and comfort in my own mind? Why does escape sound more appealing than just living? So many questions! And they always end up being very negative answers.

It's because there's something wrong with you. You shouldn't feel like this. You should be happy.

And this then leads to self harm, inward anger, self sabatage, self hatred - the list goes on. And the more unhappy this makes me, the more I want to escape back into my little world. What's worse, is I know exactly what's going on, I've started to understand the pattern and the reasons behind my actions, and despite this I still find it impossible to break the cycle.

I haven't quite figured out how to stop my mind from racing. I usually find that its good to do something that takes takes up all my attention - such as arts and crafts, puzzles, even blogging. But I can't maintain that forever, and eventually my body and mind need to relax. But it seems impossible to do that at the moment. I guess it's something to get used to, something that I need to keep practicing. Thinking and analysing has become a habit for me and we all know how difficult it is to break a habit.

The brain is very good at learning things and often it learns to work in ways that seem useful in the short term, but are actually not helpful in the long term. I overthink and analyse because it relieves anxiety and helps me cope with the difficult emotions (sadness, anger and depression). However in the long term it makes me tired, can make me feel overwhelmed or like I can't cope. It prevents me from sleeping, and it actually makes me feel more anxious and worried about things. When you don't sleep you become more susceptible to the negative thoughts - eventually it feels like nothing is right, you've failed at everything, and things will only get worse.

I think the key to stopping a racing mind is probably to practice recognising when you're getting lost in thoughts and to find a way that works for you to make you stop and focus on something more useful. I've read about a couple of methods that I'll list here;

• Shouting STOP - whether you want to do it in your head or out loud. It's a method that many cognitive behavioural therapists use to tackle negative thoughts. Just telling yourself to stop can sometimes be enough to cause a quick change in thinking style.
• Write down your thoughts and challenge them - if there's something in particular you're worried about, it can be useful to write it down and try to find ways to solve it. And once you've come up with some solutions, you take action instead of continuing to think about it. This has helped me a few times when I've had a difficult situation to solve. It's also helpful if your having negative thoughts. If you can write it down and try to think of all the evidence that supports the negative thought, and all the evidence that doesn't - it'll soon become clear that the negative assumption has no factual basis.
• Talk, talk and talk! - sometimes you need to voice something, just get things off your chest and afterwards it can feel like a concrete block has been lifted off your shoulders. If you don't have anyone to talk to, or don't feel comfortable talking to someone, try using online messaging forums, blogging, even talking to a helpline or just writing it down. Find a way that works for you.
• Physical Activity - exercising can be very absorbing, and not only that but it can help lift your mood and make you feel so much more positive about yourself. As an added bonus, you'll feel so exhausted that chances are, you'll be too exhausted to think and hopefully you'll have a half decent nights sleep!
• Get a hobby that uses your concentration - writing, reading, sewing, puzzles, knitting, drawing, playing an instrument - think about what you enjoy (or used to enjoy) and get stuck in. If you're not sure, try googling different hobbies and see if anything sparks your imagintation.
• Try not to plan too far ahead - give yourself things to enjoy in the here and now. Take on day at a time. Write it down somewhere and go and read it everytime you find yourself thinking or worrying about something that'll happen next week, or month, or year. One day at a time! How can you make today a day to be proud of? Try and be in the here and now. This will take a lot of practice and will be even harder if your mood is low, but I'm finding it becomes easier the more you practice.

It's not easy. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of time. It can be frustrating, especially when it feels like you're going no where. Try keeping a diary, tracking your mood and thoughts. This makes it easier to look back and see the improvements. Often it's easy to only see the mistakes.

I'm going to keep trying and keep practicing. I look forward to the time when I will be able to manage my thoughts and take time to relax and enjoy the moment!