Why Do I Keep Making The Same Mistakes?

Some days it seems like I could never change. I fall down the same trap over and over. I know what I should do to stay well, but I can't seem to stop doing all the things that are bad for me. I can even stop myself and acknowledge that I shouldn't be doing what I am, but I still follow through most times.

I have days where I'm motivated and feel good, but there are a lot of days that it just seems like I need to end the day badly. For some reason, if I have a good day, I can suddenly panic and try to sabatage my progress. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve to have good days, or that i'm used to feeling rubbish that I'm not used to feeling good yet, or maybe I am worried that having good days means that I might lose support.

I don't think it's uncommon. I think that the majority of us do things that we know we shouldn't but still do. I wonder why we can learn from somethings, but then others we never seem to learn from. There must be something that we get from doing it.

For example. I know that if I drink alcohol, I will feel more depressed, and most likely end up feeling angry, and wanting to hurt myself. However, knowing that, I still find myself turning to drink if I'm feeling empty and low. So I must be getting some benefit from alcohol - temporary escape, brief numbing of emotions, a way to cope - but what is hard to accept is that the cost far outweighs the benefit.

So how do I stop myself from making the same mistakes over and over? Here's some ideas:

• Finding a distraction when I am feeling the urge to drink - something that is absorbing, hands on, and involves a lot of attention, e.g. a puzzle, blogging, making cards or bracelets etc
• Trying to acknowledge the triggers - understanding what emotions cause the need to drink and what situations / times of day are likely to bringe on those emotions can help to prepare distractions and alternatives.
• Telling someone / seeing a friend - there's nothing more distracting than a good friend. Maybe talking about what's on my chest might make the urge to drink disappear.
• Write a list of the Pros & Cons of drinking - It's good to put things in perspective and remind myself of how rubbish I will feel afterwards.
• Remind myself of my overall goals - keep motivated!!!
• Don't buy alcohol - a bit extreme, but it might be sensible at times when things are bad.

So I guess there is a lot I need to work on. It's so easy to sit and write this, but its putting things into action that is the real test. I know I can do this. I've made a lot of progress so far, but I get so frustrated with myself when I deliberately do things that aren't helpful, especially when I want to recover so much!