When you suffer from a mental illness, it's far too easy to become that label. At times it can be appealing to hide behind the label, to keep people away and prevent the real you to be seen. It can feel uncomfortable and often the feelings of vulnerability are too much to handle.
When people try and connect with me, try to uncover what truly stirs beneath my eating disorder and depression, I feel quite confused and unsure about what I want. I'm desperate to be seen for who I am, to be able to express myself, to be listened to and accepted for what I have to say. But there is a fear that once I open that door, the world will be invited in and I will lose all privacy. And what will they think of me? I'm plagued by fears that I wont be accepted, that people will laugh at me, that I will not be good enough.
Low self esteem makes it hard to throw away the label. When you hate yourself and constantly criticise yourself - you don't want people to get close to you. If you only cause hurt and create friction, then it can feel better to push everyone away. Become friends with the illness. For me I fear what I would be without the illness. If I'm well, what type of person will I be? If I'm well, all the support that I need will be gone and I'll have to do it all myself again. When people see you starting to get better, they assume you're fine, and it makes alarm bells ring in your head because you're far from fine. Suddenly, being ill is very appealing.
It's a very difficult cycle to break from. Everyone on the outside is almost too happy to see the illness and to accept that as the person. Why? Because its not easy to understand mental illness. How much easier is it to say, he's an alcoholic, she's a depressive, that man's got dementia, that girl is anorexic. When you say that, everyone knows what the problem is and they don't have to delve any deeper than what is staring them in the face.
We all know what an alcoholic is - they drink too much, they're selfish, they're weak. The depressive is unable to cope, a bit of a downer, needs to just get up and get on with things like everyone else. Dementia is just something that happens when you're old, not really there in the head. The anorexic is shallow, wants to be skinny, attention seeking, stupid. And when you let the stereotypes breed, the further from the real people you get. Sometimes it's easier to let the stigma speak for them. If you don't understand something, then its very easy to fear it, and its comforting to have a label because then it becomes comprehensible.
Let's start to understand. Let's help people escape the label. He's not just an alcoholic - he's a friend, a son, a father, a person. Same goes for all mental illness. I'm a real person. I don't want to be judged because I struggle with an eating disorder. If you don't get to know me, then you wont see that I'm not a stereotype. My illness is real, and its hard, and it's damaging. I didn't choose it. No one chooses to have a mental illness. But we can choose to fight it.
To find out more about mental illness check out this website: Mind.org.uk
No comments:
Post a Comment