I'm Not Sick Enough

One of the barriers that stops someone from accepting the help they need is that they often feel undeserving. I always felt that I wasn't sick enough to really need support. I thought that if I told someone they would laugh at me and tell me to stop being silly. If I had been able to overcome this fear then I could have got help a lot sooner and perhaps I wouldn't have crossed the line where I was told I couldn't keep going. It's almost a relief to be given permission to put your hands up and say 'Ok, I can't cope anymore'.

Sometimes it feels like you have to be rock bottom before you can admit that life is too hard. If you appear fine on the outside, then why would people believe you're struggling? You feel weak for not being able to handle problems like everyone else. It's most likely that the majority of people around you aren't as 'held together' as they seem, but when you're feeling low and finding it difficult to manage it's very hard to think in a way that is clear and rational.

You should be able to handle this. You should be able to cope. You're not sick enough to really need help. You'll be making a fuss. They'll accuse you of lying or overexaggerating. Things aren't bad enough for me to ask for help.

It's these feelings of unworthiness and guilt that trap you. They are powerful emotions that can be very dangerous. Even if you decide to get treatment, the feelings still stay with you. No matter how unwell you are, there will always be someone sicker, always someone who could use the help more than you. I find it very difficult to accept that I deserve to take time out to care for myself. I often worry that I'm wasting professionals time, that they don't really need to be spending time trying to help me. I feel immense guilt that I should be working, should be coping.

My therapist told be something the other day which really made me think:

"Yes, there are people more sick than you, but that doesn't mean you are less important than them. You deserve as much help as anyone."

I was struck by his honesty. The truth is, everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves help. It might feel like you're being stupid but if you are not happy and feel that you need support, then you should feel no shame in asking for it. There is no scale of sickness where you must fall below a particular threshold to deserve help. If you had a friend and they were struggling a little, would you judge them or think they were weak if they asked for support? Or would you do everything you could to help them? If your friends and family deserve to be happy, then so do you!

Allow yourself to have some time out. Be nice to yourself. No one is expected to be perfect, its ok to struggle, and its human to need help.