A New Year, A New You!!

Ok so how many times have you made a New Years resolution only to abandon it mid january? It feels so empowering as the clock strikes 12 New Years eve to think this year will be different. We make all sorts of promises we could never keep in a realistic world, but at New Years it feels like change is really possible. We feel confident that we can definately stick to it this time and this new lease of energy makes us feel good about ourselves. Maybe some of that is the alcohol, but I think we should use that energy to actually make changes that we know we can achieve.

Instead of expecting to be a completely changed, perfect version of yourself by New Years Day, it's better to try and think of changes a little more 'down to earth'.

I'm never going to touch a cigerette becomes I'm going to reduce the number I smoke gradually.

I'm going to drop two dress sizes becomes I'm going to make small changes to make my diet healthier and introduce more activity

I'm going to recover completely from my illness becomes I'm going to tackle the the things that I know I'm strong enough to handle, one day at a time

There's nothing wrong with having a long term goal - but the way you achieve that is small steps at a time. It doesn't happen over night. It takes time, work, and perserverance to make changes to your life. If you wake up New Years Day expecting to be able to change completely, when you can't acheive it several days, weeks, down the line, you'll feel like a failure and chances are, you'll give up on yourself.

Remember, change is not always a straight line, it's ok to go backwards -  no one is perfect! Don't expect too much at once, you should not be expected to always get it right. And above all, enjoy the steps along the way. If you think, When I get to point A, I will be happy chances are that when you get to point A, you will not find the completeness that you desire. The key is to love and enjoy every moment. The perfect you does not exist - if you love who you are with all the flaws, there's nothing more perfect than that!!

Happy New Year x

Using Christmas Left Overs

 So we had some left over sausage meat and I decided to make some sausage rolls with it! It's my first time making them and I couldn't resist taking photos and sharing them on my blog.

I had a roll of puff pastry and i simply mixed the sausage meat with cooked red onions and herbs, rolled it into small balls. I then cut the pastry into strips and placed the sausage meat balls on one half, egg washed the other hald and folded it in half so that the sausage was parceled in pastry. I pressed around the edges and then cut the left over pastry away. I brushed the top with egg yolk and placed in the oven at gas mark 4. Mine took about 45 minutes, but my oven doesn't work properly! They probably should only take 25 minutes or so. As long as they are golden brown and crisp when you take them out you can't win!

They tasted perfect with the left over turkey and stuffing. They were so easy, next time I might experiment with chilli or cheese and make some for new years!! Yum!

Keeping Positive This Christmas

I always find that after the build up to Christmas, I'm left with a sinking feeling of disappointment. Often the day itself is an anticlimax - so much pressure to be happy anf enjoy every moment. When we put Christmas on a pedestal, we set ourselves up for disappointment. It'll never be perfect.

The low after christmas can often follow you into the new year and right on into January. Everything feels doom and gloom - we realise that we're not where we want to be in life, perhaps we've made mistakes or have regrets, life just keeps on passing us by and we never seem to be moving forwards - there's a whole new year ahead of us and you can't help but feel that nothing can change.

Or perhaps you feel pumped with energy? Full of ideas - this year is going to be the new me! It feels like this time things will be different. You sign up to the gym, start dressing nice and making an effort to go out and meet new people, perhaps sign up to a few classes, start looking for a new job and career? But for some reason, this boost in motivation never seems to last. Soon your back in your old rut and all those dreams and ambitions fade into something unachievable and unrealistic.

It often seems to be our way of thinking that lets us down. Our low self esteem and self worth can hold us back. We focus on the negatives, on what we can't do rather on what we can do. Once we start thinking like that it becomes incredibly difficult to break free from the opressive negative thoughts. They paralyse you.

It doesn't have to be this way. You can start to make changes - they wont happen as fast as you might want but its important to remember that if we can learn unhelpful thinking styles, then we can unlearn them. It can take many years to learn these ways of thinking, so it'll take just as long, and even more hard work to break free. Don't let that stop you from embracing change. Challenging yourself can seem like an almost impossible task, but it's also the most rewarding.

It's always important to be realistic. It's better to take smaller, more manageable steps to avoid being overwhelmed. Here are some ways that you can help make this Christmas a more positive and enjoyable experience:

• Keep Expectations Realistic - try not to visualise a 'perfect' christmas - it will never be how you want it and you'll always feel disappointed. Instead, concentrate on enjoying particular moments, or putting extra effort into only a few areas, Don't try to handle too much, do what is manageable with the time and money you have.
• Be Organised and Delegate - try and write a list of all the things you need to do and take time to work out how you can get it done in the time you have. It can help to delegate tasks to other family members. No one should feel the full responsibility of Christmas on their shoulders. It can also help bring people together if everyone chips in. You want to make sure the load of responsibility is manageable in order to stay stress free.
• Don't forget the Basics - eat regular, get enough sleep, try not to stop doing the activities that keep yo well. It can be easy to let things slide when you're under a lot of pressure, but by doing these things you are only going to make things harder for yourself. Take care of yourself and you'll find things easier to manage, feel more capable to cope, and you wont be as stressed.
• Change traditions that make you anxious or fearful - there's no point doing something if you don't enjoy it. Often we feel obliged to do things if they are tradition - but there is nothing stopping you from making changes other than your own worries. Try something new, it could be just the excitement needed to make Christmas feel special again.
• Be in the present - when there's a hundred and one things to think about we often spend more time thinking about things we need to do rather than enjoying the moment. Happiness can be in the now - enjoy the little things. Think about what you used to love about christmas and let yourself enjoy them again. If you find your mind wondering, try and bring yourself back to the present. Soak in the atmosphere, the smells, the food, the company.
• Avoid overdoing the alcohol - it's too easy to think alcohol can calm your worries or anxieties, to make a situation more easy to cope with, however it can worsen your depression and make things feel even worse. That's not to say you can't enjoy a drink, just keep a limit on it if you know it can become a problem.
• List all the achievements you've made that year - even if you don't think you've done anything worthwhile, you'll be surprised by how much you've actually done. Make a list of the positives, the things you're most proud of, and read it everyday. If you can't think of anything, ask the people closest to you, I'm sure they can pick out a whole number of achievements that you couldn't see. If you get your mind to focus on the positives and keep reinforcing them, eventually it'll become more of a habit.
• Don't beat yourself up if things don't go to plan - if you find yourself getting low or stressed, it's ok! Everyone is allowed to have a bad day. Just take a deep breath and tell yourself that tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow you can start things on a positive note. Don't punish yourself for being human!

I wish a happy and positive christmas to you all!

Christmas Cake

I should have posted this yesterday but I didn't have time, and seeing as I wont have time tomorrow, I'll just have to post twice today!

This is the first attempt at making a christmas cake. I started in October, baked the fruit cake and have been feeding it brandy every two weeks since then. I have added marzipan and icing, and had my first go at making a fondant bow and holly leaves!

I feel like it's my baby - I've had to look after it and tend to its alcoholic needs - and now it's all grown up. It's a bit rough on the edges, but hopefully it'll taste great!!

What's the worst that can happen?

We've all been in a situation where we've been worried about something - usuallly we're unsure about the outcome, or there's a lot of uncertainty which makes it difficult to foresee how things will turn out - and then you think what's the worst that can happen? Evidently, more often than not, the outcome is never as terrible as you imagine, and it is nearly always never the worst.

The problem I keep having is when something unexpected happens that I hadn't accounted for - like if a friend isn't answering their phone or perhaps i'm meeting someone but they aren't on time - often the very first thought I have is that the worst possible thing has happened.

For example, I was waiting for someone to come and visit me today at 2pm. The time came and went and there was no knock at the door. Eventually it was 3pm, 4pm, 5pm - and its now 9pm and I have heard nothing of why this person hasn't turned up.

Various thoughts go through my head: 

1. I got the day or time wrong - I'm not convinced by this, I specifically remember setting the time - so I know this is not likely.

2. This person has been called out to an emergency - this is very likely on account of this persons profession - however I find it very hard to believe as I would have expected a call.

3. I did something wrong so they don't want to see me - this seems more appealing - it would explain why they didn't contact me - it would make me feel more annoyed at myself rather than feeling angry at the person who didn't turn up which is something I feel much more comfortable with. However I struggle to figure out what I did wrong, so there is some doubt.

4. They've died in some tragic accident - this then lead to several possible causes of death, a) car accident, b) possibly attacked by someone between now and when the appointment was arranged, c) house fire, d) the building where they work has somehow been destroyed, e.g. bomb, fire.


As far fetched as it seems, I managed to convince myself that option 4 was the most likely reason. I know it's irrational, and I don't believe that it's the actual reason, but it doesn't stop me worrying or imagining it.

I have a tendency to catastrophise. So if someone isn't answering the phone, I worry they've been hurt or died, if I'm on a train I can easily imagine it crashing, If someone is being quiet or irritable I feel like I'm somehow responsible or that I need to make it my responsibility to make it better. Luckily, I never let my worries or actions known, I can worry to death about it, but I will try my hardest not to let them affect me outwardly. I know how crazy they sound, and I know that if I start believing them, they'll only get stronger.

I frequently have to tell myself to stop it. I look for ways to distract myself and take my mind off it. I don't know why I can't just shrug and say what's the worst that can happen? Because I know I'll start thinking about the worst, and that's all I'll think about - so instead of feeling less stressed, I'll become even more worried and anxious.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this. In some ways it's probably normal to analyse and work out different outcomes - it seems like a logical way to prepare yourself for the future. However, when it becomes more harmful, leads you to fret and worry, lose sleep, become completely preoccupied by disturbing thoughts, or perhaps leads you to act out in ways that are not reasonable - it's a sign that perhaps you may need to take action to try and tone down the anxiety.

Lately I feel like I've been living constantly on edge. Everything feels like a possible danger or threat. It's exhausting. However, I'm starting to talk more about my worries. It's good because being able to talk to someone else helps me to rationalise my thoughts. They can put things into perspective when I can't. I can work through the anxieties and realise that my worries are usually based mostly on my presumptions. So I'm making progress - but I still have a long way to go!

My Mind is Racing

The last week or so I've really struggle with sleep. It seems that whenever my brain stops concentrating on something absorbing, it starts to plan and analyse and second guess and worry - it just can't switch itself off! It makes it very difficult to concentrate and even harder to just enjoy the moment. It feels like I need to be planning ahead all the time, to have control and confidence in the future rather than having to acccept that it's ok to be uncertain.

If I'm not planning and working things out then reality starts to creep in. This is when things get difficult to cope with. Because not only to I begin to realise that the things I'm planning are unachievable, in the far future, and unlikely to play out exactly as I imagined - but that overwhelming sad and empty feeling returns and I realise that I'm not enjoying the present and that the future is very much likely to follow the same trend.

I then start to wonder why I'm not able to enjoy reality. Why must I search for safety and comfort in my own mind? Why does escape sound more appealing than just living? So many questions! And they always end up being very negative answers.

It's because there's something wrong with you. You shouldn't feel like this. You should be happy.

And this then leads to self harm, inward anger, self sabatage, self hatred - the list goes on. And the more unhappy this makes me, the more I want to escape back into my little world. What's worse, is I know exactly what's going on, I've started to understand the pattern and the reasons behind my actions, and despite this I still find it impossible to break the cycle.

I haven't quite figured out how to stop my mind from racing. I usually find that its good to do something that takes takes up all my attention - such as arts and crafts, puzzles, even blogging. But I can't maintain that forever, and eventually my body and mind need to relax. But it seems impossible to do that at the moment. I guess it's something to get used to, something that I need to keep practicing. Thinking and analysing has become a habit for me and we all know how difficult it is to break a habit.

The brain is very good at learning things and often it learns to work in ways that seem useful in the short term, but are actually not helpful in the long term. I overthink and analyse because it relieves anxiety and helps me cope with the difficult emotions (sadness, anger and depression). However in the long term it makes me tired, can make me feel overwhelmed or like I can't cope. It prevents me from sleeping, and it actually makes me feel more anxious and worried about things. When you don't sleep you become more susceptible to the negative thoughts - eventually it feels like nothing is right, you've failed at everything, and things will only get worse.

I think the key to stopping a racing mind is probably to practice recognising when you're getting lost in thoughts and to find a way that works for you to make you stop and focus on something more useful. I've read about a couple of methods that I'll list here;

• Shouting STOP - whether you want to do it in your head or out loud. It's a method that many cognitive behavioural therapists use to tackle negative thoughts. Just telling yourself to stop can sometimes be enough to cause a quick change in thinking style.
• Write down your thoughts and challenge them - if there's something in particular you're worried about, it can be useful to write it down and try to find ways to solve it. And once you've come up with some solutions, you take action instead of continuing to think about it. This has helped me a few times when I've had a difficult situation to solve. It's also helpful if your having negative thoughts. If you can write it down and try to think of all the evidence that supports the negative thought, and all the evidence that doesn't - it'll soon become clear that the negative assumption has no factual basis.
• Talk, talk and talk! - sometimes you need to voice something, just get things off your chest and afterwards it can feel like a concrete block has been lifted off your shoulders. If you don't have anyone to talk to, or don't feel comfortable talking to someone, try using online messaging forums, blogging, even talking to a helpline or just writing it down. Find a way that works for you.
• Physical Activity - exercising can be very absorbing, and not only that but it can help lift your mood and make you feel so much more positive about yourself. As an added bonus, you'll feel so exhausted that chances are, you'll be too exhausted to think and hopefully you'll have a half decent nights sleep!
• Get a hobby that uses your concentration - writing, reading, sewing, puzzles, knitting, drawing, playing an instrument - think about what you enjoy (or used to enjoy) and get stuck in. If you're not sure, try googling different hobbies and see if anything sparks your imagintation.
• Try not to plan too far ahead - give yourself things to enjoy in the here and now. Take on day at a time. Write it down somewhere and go and read it everytime you find yourself thinking or worrying about something that'll happen next week, or month, or year. One day at a time! How can you make today a day to be proud of? Try and be in the here and now. This will take a lot of practice and will be even harder if your mood is low, but I'm finding it becomes easier the more you practice.

It's not easy. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of time. It can be frustrating, especially when it feels like you're going no where. Try keeping a diary, tracking your mood and thoughts. This makes it easier to look back and see the improvements. Often it's easy to only see the mistakes.

I'm going to keep trying and keep practicing. I look forward to the time when I will be able to manage my thoughts and take time to relax and enjoy the moment!

Visit my new page!

So, as an ongoing project I'm going to start creating pages with addition information and self help. The first page I've made is dedicated to eating disorders. So far I've only made one topic, but I will continue to update when I have spare time so keep an eye out for new posts!

I hope to evolve this blog into a tool to help people to take responsibility for their own wellness and to learn how to help themselves to stay healthy and well - as well as being able to get help and advice where needed!

In time I hope to set up a message board - so hopefully early next year I'll be able to get that set up.